It’s like I’ve pitched up on the film set for a Western,
You know, where tumbleweed is blown along the street
In clumps; and there’s not even a suggestion
Why there’s so little noise, and no clatter of feet

The corridors are deserted, no activity,
Eerily devoid of sound, empty, bizarre;
Has someone dropped ‘the bomb’? And is that why we
Found it possible – today – to park the car?

I-spy cleaners, I see nurses, I glimpse porters,
All must work to shifts to qualify for their pay;
What’s missing? The consultants and the doctors,
It’s a Sunday (or Saturday) – and they’re away

Now, let’s be fair, I’ve known consultants come in week-ends,
Get out of bed, and visit patients, that’s why I say:
What reasons underpin this unsafe, bad trend –
No week-end ward rounds (only held Monday to Friday)?

Why can’t the medics take days off other than these two?
In, say, the middle of the week (there’d be a rota);
Allowing caring for sick patients to continue,
Letting their Trust aim for a seven day cover quota?

If your relative’s in pain, caught an infection,
Or vaguely ill, distressed, these words will surely follow:
‘I’m sorry, looks like we forgot to mention –
No doctors on the ward until tomorrow’

‘We’ll put them down to see the Duty Doctor’;
It’s classed acceptable to wait eight hours or more;
And that’s because there are so many on their roster –
As all they’ll pay for is one doctor for each floor…

Each Trust gets tens of millions of funding;
‘You say that it won’t stretch? That that’s too low?
For just two doctors, say? That really is quite stunning’;
Where does all the taxpayers’ money go?!

Not good enough, you’d love to know who’s the concoctor
Of this appalling mess, though that is not to say
You can’t feel pity for that one, poor, junior doctor,
Exploited, overworked, on the go all day

David Cameron (remember him?!) gave us a good laugh,
Promised hospital access seven days a week;
No one would tell him that we haven’t got the staff,
Already employed ‘bank’ nurses, core hours and off peak

They’ll crush complaints that we deliver single-handed,
Expertly spin, evade, and knock back, deny, too;
It’s time we all spoke out, frankly, and all demanded:
‘Is that the best this hospital can do?’

We need ongoing access to help and assistance
When we’re in hospital, so here’s my final warning:
No good their trying to make up for non-existence
With a belated show of zest on Monday morning

The NHS remains aloof, and quite impervious
As to why adverse care outcomes aren’t so low;
Leaving us to point them out the bleeding obvious –
‘People do get sick at week-ends – don’t you know?’